You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Soap is not a condiment
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
