her facebook's as public as her vagina
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
