Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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