What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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