Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
