I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
