I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
