she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
