So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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