Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
