What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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