I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
