i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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