They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That's when you crack a 10am beer
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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