The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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