At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this beer tastes like vomit already
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
