why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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