"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
