If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
