hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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