They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
