The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
