i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
