My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
