I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I need to calm my uterus...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
