Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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