Three words: puerto rican gang bang
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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