I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
