sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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