I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
