last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
