I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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