careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
