i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
