so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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