So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
