i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
