I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
