After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
