wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
