he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
