I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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