Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
