i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
