come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
