If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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