My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
