He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
