Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
