best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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