i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
