I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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